Flare ups & sickness

I'm in about week three of a fibro flare up. I spent about two weeks fighting joint and muscle pain, focused in my arms. It got so bad that I couldn't get out of bed one day. Self care is especially hard when you physically cannot do it.

Just as the joint pain was starting to subside, I got hit with some respiratory crud. For most people they could power through this and shake it off. For me, sickness hits me like a brick wall and takes me out for days. It's my new reality.

It's hard for me to admit when I need to slow down and rest. I rarely do when I'm feeling well. When I'm feeling great, I am a force to be reckoned with. I am on top on everything and I can handle more than most people, both physically and mentally. When I'm sick, I am knocked out. There seems to be no in between for me these days.

I need to learn to be more proactive. I got sloppy with my diet and exercise when I hadn't had a flare up for awhile. So here I am, sick and hurting again. I'll bounce back, I always do. This post is my reminder to recommit to what I know works. I have too much I want to do to spend my life in a cycle of sickness and pain. But for now, I nap, because self care comes first.

Magic numbers

I have a bad habit I need to own up to. I don't update my Fitbit, MyFitnessPal, or chron-o-meter account with my real weight when it gets to a number I don't like. My weight isn't even public on those sites to my friends and I still don't update it. You see, once I pass that certain number, I refuse to record it anywhere. I refuse to buy it new pants. I refuse to acknowledge it. It's as if I'm trying to shun it into not ever having existed. It's a personal insult that I have done to myself which I refuse to document. It's also around that same number that I refuse to have my picture taken or wear anything but layers that strategically hide most everything.
I suspect everyone has this number in their head. It's different for everyone but we all know the number where we want to be, the number that we'll settle for, and the number that we're scared of. I'm mostly OK with my body and don't hate it. Until I reach this number - then I feel miserable. Everything else I can justify or manage.
Today, I hit a different milestone number. I've specifically not been focusing on weight, but on being healthier in general. Losing weight is a happy byproduct of that and I'm treating it as such. But today made me proud. Made me feel like I've accomplished something. I am slowly starting to have more good days than bad. The changes I've been making since September are adding up and seem to be helping. Stepping on that scale today was an affirmation - my body is acknowledging these changes are for the better and reacting positively to living a healthier lifestyle.
I've struggled with the self loathing and the disgust of my body - both when being under and over weight. Accepting myself for who I am and nourishing the body I have has helped me get to a better place, both physically and emotionally. Trying to hide my weight from myself is not self acceptance. It's only cheating myself when I don't record things. Oh but my brain remembers no matter what. Damn right she keeps track. So I will record and I will be honest, no matter which direction the scale tips. Being honest with myself and reflecting on how I'm feeling are the best things I can do to make positive changes. It's easy to get hung up on numbers, especially when we associate value or self worth with them. I am starting to think of them as just another statistic about me that I want to log so I can see how it correlates with my overall health. Maybe then I won't get so emotionally involved with the numbers I see on the scale. 

Surviving the Holidays

When most people talk about surviving the holidays, they mean making it through all the social commitments while still managing to put on some kind of festivities for the family.
When I say it, I mean it nearly literally. It's apparently my body's grand holiday tradition to get sick during the last two weeks of the year. This year was no different. What started out as sniffles quickly escalated into a full on respiratory infection. Sinuses, lungs, the whole shebang. It was not pretty. I ended up missing 3 days of work and all of my holiday family gatherings. Fourteen (!!) full days of snotty nose, sneezing, coughing, hacking stuff up, and fevers didn't leave me with much else to do. In times like these, I turn to Doctor Who. I watched a lot of Doctor Who these past weeks.
When I finally accepted that the Doctor was not, in fact, going to save Christmas for me this year, I started wondering about why am I always getting so sick. Is it possible that having autoimmune issues makes me more susceptible to getting sick with other crud? A cursory internet search says it's a possibility, but like most things involved with Fibromyalgia, the jury is still out. I can only speak from my own experiences, and right now, I'm going with yes. I know I've had a positive ANA, so my immune system is all hyperactive. And the Fibromyalgia on top of that doesn't make healing any easier, especially when I can't distinguish between fibro symptoms and anything else that's bugging me. My totally unscientific conclusion is that any time your body is out of whack it makes it easier for infections to take hold and stick around. Not only do I get sick easily and often, but I get knocked out by the sickness. I've always been kind of prone to respiratory crud anyway, but the past few years whenever I get it, it takes me down for a good week. That's not normal. But it is my normal.
There has to be a relationship there, I'm just not sure what it is. I know that, at least for myself, there is a definite pattern.

Yet another smoothie recipe

Because you needed another one, right?

Actually a work friend asked for my recipe and since I typed it up for her and I'm the laziest blogger in the world, I'm making it into a post. Lucky you!

6 nuggets of Target Market Pantry frozen spinach (each bag comes with 12 nuggets of chopped, frozen spinach in them)

½ cup frozen cherries (I like the Costco organic ones, market pantry ones are fine too)

1 cup Target market pantry mixed fruit (peaches, pineapple, mango, strawberry mixture – 1 bag makes roughly 8 smoothies)

Tart cherry juice (either Cheribundi or whatever Costco has – must be NO ADDED SUGAR 100% juice)

Coconut milk or coconut/almond milk 

1 scoop Vega Tropical protein and greens 

1 scoop Amazing greens wheat grass

2 Tablespoons milled Flax seed

2 Tablespoons Nutritional Yeast flakes 

½ tsp maca powder 

1 tsp ground turmeric

Put it in your blender and blend. If you put it in all frozen still, you don’t have to add ice. I pre-portion everything out in freezer bags and put one in the fridge to thaw right before I go to bed. If it’s frozen, you have to use more liquid to blend. If it’s thawed out, you have to add ice but use less liquid. Cherry juice can get expensive, so I'm all about conserving it. 

I have a Nutribullet and use the bigger cup it comes with. Put the thawed fruit and spinach in there first. Add ice. Fill with cherry juice to just below where fruit/spinach hits. Add in splash of coconut milk so liquid meets solids. (any more liquid and the texture is weird) Add in powdered mixture (I pre-portion all of this too so all I have to do is dump it in). Blend until it’s the consistency of a milkshake and you can’t see spinach leaves/chunks. Add more ice if it’s too liquidy. Ends up making just over 16oz of smoothie when you’re done. 

All of this is just over 500 calories, but it gives you for full days’ worth of B vitamins, Vitamin A, and Vitamin C. And most of your Calcium, Iron, and fiber. (That's according to punching in all these ingredients on cron-o-meter.com.)

I cannot stress enough how easy it is to portion these out ahead of time. I think it takes me about a half hour to make 2 weeks worth of smoothie packs and powder packs. I think drinking these has helped reduce a lot of inflammation, and it has certainly helped me lose weight. If you're concerned about the amount of spinach, don't worry - the protein powder and fruit pretty much cover it all up. Experiment and see what you like. 

What did I miss? What do you add to your smoothies that works for you?

Physical Therapy Week 2 & 3

My second week of physical therapy was all about the pool. Normally, I think it's a hassle to get in and swim around because of all the changing and showering that has to be done. I'm finding I don't mind it as much. Only thing I'm worried about is my newly dyed hair turning the pool red.

I'm the youngest person in therapy so far, and I'm not sure if it makes me feel really old or even younger. I still don't feel like I'm doing much of anything during our pool workouts. But it is easy on the joints, and for that I am thankful. 

I'm loving my swimsuit so far too. I was worried because it was so inexpensive, I thought it might be flimsy or not fit right. So far it's exactly what I wanted. 

I gained a few pounds over thanksgiving, but nothing devastating. I need to refocus on eating well and cutting out the crap. 

My physical therapist introduced me to the theracane today. I am totally getting one. I think it will help break up fascia in my back way better than my trusty old foam roller. 

I'm making good progress in PT, but may be doing a couple more weeks of it to keep things heading in the right direction. Next week we start building a plan I can maintain on my own. That's the part I'm most excited about. 

Thanksgiving

The holiday season is rough for most people. Extra demands on time are exhausting. It takes a lot out of you. So I was nervous to see how things would shake out for me. I have to travel to see family several hours by car and normally that's enough to wear me out. Add a decadent holiday meal on top of that and I was very apprehensive about Thanksgiving day.
I survived, with minimal pain and discomfort. Heated seats in the car really seemed to help a lot. Drinking lots of water helps too. I didn't eat as much for Thanksgiving meal and I focused on more veggies and meat. Sure, I splurged on corn pudding and a dinner roll, knowing those would cause some pain. But I ate them in small quantities so it was manageable. All in all, it wasn't too bad of a day.
There will be some things I do differently for Christmas celebrations. Less sweets, more veggies and water. Avoid corn altogether. But I'm optimistic I can get through this with little pain. Which is awesome progress! I'm thankful that I've taken the time to narrow things down and explore how food impacts me. Finding balance has been a tedious journey. I know some people enjoy making changes or have fun with these types of things. I'm not one of those people, so seeing results so soon as been the reward I needed to keep going.
In that vein, I plan to cook up some healthy lunches for the week this afternoon to help me stay on track. Cooking ahead is a tool I need to use more often. Keeps me from making bad decisions and saves me some money!
Before I do that though, I fully intend to take advantage of snuggly kitties and warm blankets on a grey Sunday.

Physical Therapy week 1

I've now finished my first week of physical therapy. One day on land, one in the water. I was surprised at how exhausted I was after each session. During the sessions, it felt like no big deal at all. I was actually kind of worried that it was a waste of my time. I'm shocked at how sore I was afterwards. And hungry. My appetite hasn't been huge for the past two months, so that really caught me off guard. Such a little amount of movement and exercise caused such a reaction. I'm still sore in my back from Wednesday's session, but I'm moving really well and not in a horrible amount of pain.

I'm not entirely convinced that this really is fibro when I have days like this. It has to be something else. Then the brain fog kicks in. It's almost constant these days. That's the worst side affect I have. I can't help but wonder if this is what it feels like when you start to go senile? I pause mid-sentence and forget what I was saying. I am convinced I said or did something and it turns out I didn't. I have trouble making simple decisions or keeping focused on anything for too long. In fact, I've started and stopped writing this post about 3 times now. Can you have ADD and be senile? Because that's about how my brain feels. It's frustrating.