Friday, November 4, 2016

Initiating change

People love to say oh you'll be surprised what you can do when you have a reason. No. That's bullshit. Change is hard and that kind of shit completely undermines the effort that people put in to making big changes in their life. Sure, some people do find making changes easier. They are probably really disciplined or have more willpower or just generally have their shit together. I am not one of these people. I'm barely functioning as an adult here. I don't even shower every day, how the fuck am I gonna exercise and cook a meal in the same day? I admire people that can do these things. Really, I do. It's a habit I have not been able to develop. "you'd do it if you really cared about yourself." Oh, you get to pass that judgement on me now too? Do you know what I deal with on a daily basis? Heard of the spoon analogy? Yeah, that. I only have so much to give in one day and that doesn't allow a lot of room for new stuff.

Nevertheless, I've come to the conclusion that dramatic changes are necessary in my life. Mostly out of necessity and not desire. Which makes implementing change that much harder. So where does that leave me?
I'll do what I can. I've made positive changes that have stuck, and I can do it again. Baby steps. I have an idea of what kind of things work for me and what don't. I'm open to trying and learning new things. I'm determined to find something that works. What I lack in willpower I will make up for in planning.

What's my plan? Right now, it's this:
1. Join YMCA Healthy Living Center
2. Get some physical therapy
3. Work with physical therapists to create exercise and nutrition plan
4. Stick to plan.

Yeah, the last one is the hardest one. My hope is that once I get to a place where I'm not in pain all the time, that thing in my brain will click and be like 'yeah, let's keep doing this' and it will become a habit. I don't have a thing like that right now so maybe I can grow one.

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