Friday, November 4, 2016

At it again

I'm starting yet another blog that I may or may not abandon after 20 some posts. Maybe someday I'll dig up the old archives and link them all here. 
This time around, I'm doing this as therapy for myself. I need another stress outlet and as my sister is fond of reminding her students, writing is a great outlet. So let's give it a whirl. 
A week and a half ago I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. And I'm pissed. I've been feeling like crap for months and it took forever to get in to see a specialist and this is what he tells me. It's akin to saying "we're not really sure". Diagnosis by exclusion, is the technical term. It's nothing else so they call it fibromyalgia. There are hundreds of symptoms and everyone who has been diagnosed may have completely different experiences. So yeah, I'm frustrated to the point of being pissed off. I'm 35 and relatively healthy. This is not something I was expecting. 
In classic me style, once presented with a diagnosis, I dug in to do research and made a plan. I'm not entirely convinced based on my symptoms that it really is fibromyalgia. I can't say it is not that either. 
So, I'm going to attack this with healthy living and see if things change. My theory is that if my symptoms go away, then it's not fibro. If they decrease or reduce to only occasional flare ups, then it is fibro. I have an appointment set up with the folks at the YMCA Health Living Center to do a physical therapy assessment. They'll help me come up with some kind of routine that covers both diet and exercise to get me feeling better. I figure either way, it's a step in a direction to healthier living, so that can't hurt. 
The emotional side of things is harder to tackle. I feel helpless and alone, even though friends have been so supportive. It's all kind of a jumble, and the brain fog doesn't help any at all. I don't like feeling not in control. I don't like feeling like I have to depend on other people or that I need someone else to take care of me. It's only magnified my fears of growing old on my own and never having a partner in life. Bleh. It's messy stuff, emotions. My therapist is encouraging me to deal with them head on, so maybe this blog can help with some of that. We'll see how things shake out and see if documenting this journey helps at all. 

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